The Weight Of May

Oh boy... I disappeared for a bit there.

Needless to say, life became beyond chaotic.

May started with someone I considered a brother walking away without saying goodbye to me or my family. It broke my heart. I'm not going to dwell on it, though. It is what it is. I persevere and move forward. It's just a shame how much hurt was left behind in the wake of those choices.

Then, toward the end of the month, two of my family members had surgeries back to back. One on one day, the other the next. I woke up early for both and spent those days feeling like a nervous wreck. Thankfully, both surgeries went well and they're healing, but the stress of it all still lingers.

To add even more fuel to the fire, there's the moving situation.

We had been trying to find a home to purchase, but property taxes have gone up, mortgage rates are still ridiculous, and the plans I had in mind just don't seem to be working out. On top of that, we've been dealing with issues involving the neighbors beside our rental. Things have become increasingly hostile. They've called the police on us for legally parking on the street and even accused us of trying to break into their home. When asked for camera footage, none was provided because, unsurprisingly, there wasn't any evidence to support their claims.

We've since learned they behaved similarly toward the previous tenants as well. At this point, we're doing our best to stay focused on our own lives and not get dragged into the drama.

Needless to say, I'm ready for May to be over.

Despite everything, I do have things to look forward to over the coming months. There are appointments ahead, challenges to face, and plenty of weight being carried both literally and figuratively, but there are also goals I'm working toward.

The wild thing I've noticed throughout my weight loss journey is the hair loss.

I've been taking Ozempic for my fatty liver disease, with the added bonus of weight loss, but lately my hair has been shedding far more than normal. For someone who naturally has extremely thick hair, it's been a little alarming. I've started taking collagen, switched to better hair products, stopped bleaching for the time being, and have been using rosemary oil in hopes of helping things along.

The downside is that my roots are now ridiculously long, and I'm bored with my hair. That's pretty normal for me. I've had essentially the same hairstyle and color for almost two years. To avoid further damage, I've been slowly removing the copper tones in healthier ways instead of reaching for bleach. Right now it's ended up looking a little tiger-esque, which honestly isn't the worst thing.

More than anything, I feel stalled.

Stuck.

Like I'm in a rut with my image, my weight loss, my health journey, and life in general. I need change. I need momentum. I need something to shift. The problem is that I don't quite know what that looks like yet.

I know this post is more of a rambling life update than a structured piece of writing. It's certainly not my usual polished or poetic style. But honestly, that's exactly what life feels like right now.

A mess.

Even so, I'm doing my best to remain positive. I'm making sure the people who rely on me don't feel abandoned, but my priorities will always remain the same: my family first, myself second, and then everyone else, including my submissives who serve me or those who purchase content.

While I continue navigating the ups and downs, I want to thank those of you who continue to stick by me.

It means more than you know.